Back in the Groove

Wendy Liebman: It's a family, the Cavanaugh's - Ann and William. They're eating dinner, and they just finish, and their maid comes in and she clears the plates. And they have two children, Betsy and Timmy. And Ann suggests that they all go into the drawing room, where Ann then braids Betsy's beautiful blonde hair. The husband, he plays chess with Timmy - and then the maid comes in with strawberries and whipped cream, and they all eat a nice dessert. And that's the act.
Penn Jillette: What do you call an act like that?
Wendy Liebman: The Cocksucking Motherfuckers

- The Aristocrats

Patrick Lenard's courses for Fall 2007 semester at The University of North Texas:


Film Style Production 8-8:50am Mondays and Wednesdays --
The lecture is taught by a petite Lebanese woman in her late 20's whose style of teaching reflects that of an elementary school teacher and asks obvious questions such as, "What three parts make up a film?Beginning, middle, and end!" The lab, which I'm dreading, is taught by a questionable man who resembles a serial-killer with a smarmy haircut and whom I'm sure stares at me throughout the lecture, conspiring how exactly to kill me. I have to make five films throughout the semester. Thankfully my friend Roy is in this class and shares with me the same wariness I hold toward the lab instructor.

Film History Pre-1945 9:30-11:20am every Tuesday --
I'm pleased to see the same professor who taught post-1945 History is teaching this class. I'm not pleased to find out that most of the class content is online, meaning that I am only able to woo over her romantic British accent once a week.

Spanish 4 12:30-1:50pm Tuesdays and Thursdays --
Taught by a softspoken, mousy blonde woman who I like immediately because of her disarming character. I recognize faces from previous semesters of Spanish. We are assigned to clusters of five yesterday to participate in group activity. I am unusually outspoken and the guy next to me laughs at everything I say which makes me feel egotistical. I like this class.

Gender and Sexuality in the Horror Film 5:00-9:20pm every Tuesday --
I signed up for this class only to be in the presence of the greatest professor in the known world. He's a 40-something gay doctor and published author of multiple books; one of which called "Monters in the closet: Homosexuality and the Horror Film". Yeah. Who doesn't want to take a class where 100 people have heavy, in depth discussions about phallic symbols, American counterculture, and sex? Some of the topics we're studying this semster include: Queer Theory of Horror, Drive-in Horror, Leftist Horror Auteurs, The Slasher Film, and Torture Porn. Hooray!

History of the Documentary 3:00-6:50pm every Wednesday --
Overwhelming desires to stab a pen in my eyeball or commit suicide are the enticing side effects of this professor's style of teaching. He is the teacher from Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Thankfully I have a friend in the class to diminish my pain. He has a filthy mouth and makes crude comments under his breath after every statement from the teacher. I took a class with him a couple semesters ago and I remember literally crying from laughing so hard.

Here are photos from the past week or so:

Moses plays inside my egg crate foam pad.


He also models.



Chacho's. Where middle aged drunk women make fools of themselves on the karaoke stage.



After two margaritas at Mi Cocina in Plano, TX.


Took a trip north to move into my new apartment. This is my building.


Where do we start?


The final product





Surprise! You have a half-wall and no door to your bedroom! Oh well.




While we were in town, Laura and Kevin took us to a wine bar.




Laters for now!

My Life In Ten Words Or Less

Jules: You scratch our backs, we'll scratch yours.
Seth: Well, funny thing about my back is it's located on my cock.

- Superbad (2007)

I was lying on a sheetless mattress in my empty bedroom nursing my bruised fingers in my mouth and writing in my journal. I had spent the previous two days feeling sorry for myself while filling large tupperware bins with all my shit and lugging them up what might be the longest staircase I've ever encountered. (A great workout for my pale, puffy frame) It was my idea to move out of my aparmtent by myself; a choice I would later regret when realizing exactly how much shit I owned. In one sense, I came up alone in order to prove to my parents that I could actually accomplish something without their help, but mostly I came up just to get the fuck out of my house in San Antonio and be alone.

I've essentially spent the past two years of college alone, intentionally cooped up in my pathetic bedroom and hidden away from people, parties, and any form of socialization for no legitimate reason. Even when I would hear my roomate's presence in the living area I would freeze in my room, hoping they wouldn't detect any signs of activity. I don't know why. Now that I think about it, it's sort of sociopathic. On the rare occasion that I would meet one of his friends, they would make a comment about how they didn't know Brad even had a roomate. Ha. In the future, when I look back on my college years, most of my memories will probably consist of me sitting alone in my bedroom. And I'm okay with that. I think.

In a few days I'm driving back to Denton to move into my new apartment: a one-bedroom. Now I can sing out loud, play the piano as loud as I want, walk around in the nude, dance in the mirror, fart, recite lines from my favorite movies...all without the anxiety of a roomate seeing me.
_______________________________________

To busy myself over the past few weeks, I wrote and directed two short films set to music. I would say they're music videos, but whenever I say that people assume that I just filmed somebody lip synching to a Britney Spears song. And as much fun as that sounds, it's not what my movies are. I tend to write movies that are subjective to one character's state of mind, and usually focus on a female protagonist. They also tend to be thematically dark, which my mother told me worries her. Haha.

The first is called "Alone" and stars my sister...again. It's basically about a woman who experiences a break-up and tries to change who she is and suffers a complete emotional breakdown. But it goes backwards. The second is called "Hello Again" and it's about a woman who runs into an ex-flame and re-visits her entire life with him and understands again why their relationship failed. It stars Mary, Danté, and Brittany. Check them out on youtube:

"Alone"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HX3Nwea-k3k

"Hello Again"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GvVR-KKizZo

I've been away for a few weeks, so I've got a good handful of photos to post. Enjoy.

My empty room



Mary purchased some blow up kayaks so we took a trip to Boerne Lake to use them! The electric pump wouldn't work, so we blew them up manually. (which almost killed me)


Mary made peanut butter and jelly sandwhiches that probably weighed more than me.


Crack is whack


Shisha with Danté and friends


Moses flashes a nipple and winks.


Drinks at...Red Robin? Their Mai Tai will fuck you up!


Prom


At the Sea Island picnic at Ancira Park. Danté and I switched name tags and people called me by the wrong name the entire night. I thought it was funny.


Lalala


Mary saves the environment by ditching her giant-ass truck for a Honda Fit. I'm not sure what she's doing in this photo.


The entire Sea Island gang at Mama Margies. I was the only one not wearing a Sea Island shirt.


Eating Brittany's face at Chili's.


Laters for now!