Painkill--

Justin Cobb: How was work?
Audrey Cobb: It was really good, actually. Really good.
Justin Cobb: Doesn't it get depressing? Seeing all those people who have everything just throw it all away?
Audrey Cobb: No it's humbling. Last night this guy said to me, 'We're all addicted to something. Maybe an idea of ourselves. Our lives. Or some idea of success...or failure. I was born addicted to fantasy.'

-Thumbsucker (2005)

I've always had this perpetual fear in the back of my mind that I'm not doing what I'm meant to be doing in regards to my future. I'm not one to believe that things are meant to be and I'm absolutely not a person that believes in fate. But I do believe in consequences.

I made the decision to study filmmaking to satisfy my desire to be, in a sense, a control freak. I found out early in my life that through art, I am fulfilled. But I have fears that I only chose filmmaking because it was tangible. And that had I chosen to pursue any other art, the people in my life would have just brushed me off and rolled their eyes. I now think it's just my own pathetic lack of confidence. In my own head I'm a brilliant artist with a promising and beaming future. But in reality, I feel tied down by provincial formalities.

I have these embarassing passions to express myself in some other form. And these embarassing passions are continually challening my perception of how I think my future will turn out. They make me second guess what I really want. I need more time to think!

College is so terribly fucking fleeting.

*sigh*

During my mini summer vacation, I went to see 28 Weeks Later with my sister, Kimberly. When I first saw the previews for the film, I immediately shunned it. Being an enormous fan of 28 Days Later, I assumed that since the original director was not doing the sequel, it would be complete rubbish. Wrong! This movie is a total thrill from beginning to end. It's exciting, visceral, terrying and truly beautiful. I call it a zombie art flick. The first ten minutes might be one of the most horrifying openings in a movie. Brilliant filmmaking.


Hey, somebody is at the window. I think she wants in.


Survivors.


The delicious Rose Byrne. A great actress. See her in The Dead Girl. You'll shit.


"DON!"


Run, bitch!


Chilling with the group in Robin's hot tub.


We hate each other.


Mary, taking full advantage of being 21, rolled off her bed in a drunken stupor. Photo opp!


Getting caught with my pants down. I consider mooning people a hobby.


Happy 21st to Brittany!



Our friend Sarah is getting married soon, and Kim and my mom threw her a bridal shower at our house. I've never seen so many older white women dressed in pink in my life. I expected Nancy Reagan to walk in the door at any moment. I told my mother that the guests should have a krump dance competition in the living room, but she declined my suggestion.


A surprise pool party for Brittany.


Laters for now.