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"It's strange because sometimes, I read a book, and I think I am the people in the book."- The Perks of Being a Wallflower (Stephen Chbosky)The other day I was standing in my bathroom at three in the morning getting ready for bed. While brushing my teeth, I sensed a quick movement in my lower peripheral and looked down only to find a giant black cricket cowering in the corner of the room. I jumped back quickly and then laughed at myself for doing so. Not having a fly swatter around the apartment, I grabbed the next best solution: a bottle of Shout stain remover. I assumed if the chemicals in it didn't kill bugs, at least the cricket would be stain-free. I backed slowly into my room spraying the holy-hell out of the shiny intruder and watching him throw a physical tantrum when I felt something tickling my right foot. I looked down to see a large, burnt-orange cockroach crawling about on my toes. I instinctually flung my entire leg into the air so high it would probably impress a Rockette. I then ran into my living area and continued to jump about while surveying the floor for any more unwelcome insects. And of course, I spot one crawling into the apartment from a hole underneath my door. I grabbed a paper towel and clogged the hole and ran back to my bedroom trying to contain my fear as if someone were watching me. The cockroach was nowhere to be found so I stood on a chair with the bottle of Shout in hand and chanting, "motherfucker!" over and over ready to douse the bastard when he appeared. I finally spotted him crawling on top of the sheets of my bed and instead of spraying him, I let out the most horrifying shriek you have ever heard in your life. (I'm not even sure you could call it a shriek. More like a demon-growl) I ran back into the living room and began dancing as if the cockroach were on my legs. There was no way in hell I was going to bed anytime soon. How dare he steal my bed! One by one I pulled the pillows and sheets off my bed and shook them maniacally. He eventually revealed himself soon after on the floor where I was able to kill him with about half a bottle of Shout. It took me awhile to fall asleep that night. Every hair that moved on my leg would make me think I was covered in cockroaches. I kept thinking that maybe one of the bugs laid eggs in my bed and that I was going to roll over and eat them on accident. But like everything else in my life, things turned out to be just fine. This week I drove my friend Jordan home from class and he invited me inside for a tour of his new apartment. While we stood around, his roomate spotted a giant wolf spider on the wall. I tried to pretend that I wasn't fazed by its presence. Jordan grabbed a paper towel and smashed it without even thinking twice. This was a detriment to my ego. I created an entire charade over a cockroach and Jordan just practically petted an enormous spider. This is truly sad.___________________________________________My next blog is quite possibly the most important blog I've ever posted in the three years I've been writing. Look for it early next week. For now, enjoy these photos:I'm a true believer in gay animals. Our old cat Rocky was a definite homosexual and so is Danté's dog, Ace. He gets a boner whenever I walk in the room. I have that effect on people too. 
My mom ended up having to have surgery on her ankle that she sprained on vacation this summer. This is how she gets up and down the stairs. "I'm not in the mood to smile right now, Patrick", she says. 
I flew home to attend my friend Sarah's wedding. 
Mom in her wheelchair. At the wedding reception, my sister pushed me around in it on the dance floor while I raised the roof. 
I look huge, but it's the shirt. I hope.
The bride and her brother.
At a bar with friends. 
I managed to finish this beer at Chili's without vomiting. Go me. 
Muchos Backflips performs at a local bar. 
Laters for now!
Wendy Liebman: It's a family, the Cavanaugh's - Ann and William. They're eating dinner, and they just finish, and their maid comes in and she clears the plates. And they have two children, Betsy and Timmy. And Ann suggests that they all go into the drawing room, where Ann then braids Betsy's beautiful blonde hair. The husband, he plays chess with Timmy - and then the maid comes in with strawberries and whipped cream, and they all eat a nice dessert. And that's the act. Penn Jillette: What do you call an act like that? Wendy Liebman: The Cocksucking Motherfuckers- The AristocratsPatrick Lenard's courses for Fall 2007 semester at The University of North Texas:Film Style Production 8-8:50am Mondays and Wednesdays -- The lecture is taught by a petite Lebanese woman in her late 20's whose style of teaching reflects that of an elementary school teacher and asks obvious questions such as, "What three parts make up a film?Beginning, middle, and end!" The lab, which I'm dreading, is taught by a questionable man who resembles a serial-killer with a smarmy haircut and whom I'm sure stares at me throughout the lecture, conspiring how exactly to kill me. I have to make five films throughout the semester. Thankfully my friend Roy is in this class and shares with me the same wariness I hold toward the lab instructor. Film History Pre-1945 9:30-11:20am every Tuesday --I'm pleased to see the same professor who taught post-1945 History is teaching this class. I'm not pleased to find out that most of the class content is online, meaning that I am only able to woo over her romantic British accent once a week. Spanish 4 12:30-1:50pm Tuesdays and Thursdays -- Taught by a softspoken, mousy blonde woman who I like immediately because of her disarming character. I recognize faces from previous semesters of Spanish. We are assigned to clusters of five yesterday to participate in group activity. I am unusually outspoken and the guy next to me laughs at everything I say which makes me feel egotistical. I like this class.Gender and Sexuality in the Horror Film 5:00-9:20pm every Tuesday -- I signed up for this class only to be in the presence of the greatest professor in the known world. He's a 40-something gay doctor and published author of multiple books; one of which called "Monters in the closet: Homosexuality and the Horror Film". Yeah. Who doesn't want to take a class where 100 people have heavy, in depth discussions about phallic symbols, American counterculture, and sex? Some of the topics we're studying this semster include: Queer Theory of Horror, Drive-in Horror, Leftist Horror Auteurs, The Slasher Film, and Torture Porn. Hooray!History of the Documentary 3:00-6:50pm every Wednesday -- Overwhelming desires to stab a pen in my eyeball or commit suicide are the enticing side effects of this professor's style of teaching. He is the teacher from Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Thankfully I have a friend in the class to diminish my pain. He has a filthy mouth and makes crude comments under his breath after every statement from the teacher. I took a class with him a couple semesters ago and I remember literally crying from laughing so hard. Here are photos from the past week or so:Moses plays inside my egg crate foam pad. 
He also models.
Chacho's. Where middle aged drunk women make fools of themselves on the karaoke stage.
After two margaritas at Mi Cocina in Plano, TX. 
Took a trip north to move into my new apartment. This is my building. 
Where do we start?
The final product
Surprise! You have a half-wall and no door to your bedroom! Oh well.
While we were in town, Laura and Kevin took us to a wine bar. 
Laters for now!
Jules: You scratch our backs, we'll scratch yours. Seth: Well, funny thing about my back is it's located on my cock.- Superbad (2007)I was lying on a sheetless mattress in my empty bedroom nursing my bruised fingers in my mouth and writing in my journal. I had spent the previous two days feeling sorry for myself while filling large tupperware bins with all my shit and lugging them up what might be the longest staircase I've ever encountered. (A great workout for my pale, puffy frame) It was my idea to move out of my aparmtent by myself; a choice I would later regret when realizing exactly how much shit I owned. In one sense, I came up alone in order to prove to my parents that I could actually accomplish something without their help, but mostly I came up just to get the fuck out of my house in San Antonio and be alone.I've essentially spent the past two years of college alone, intentionally cooped up in my pathetic bedroom and hidden away from people, parties, and any form of socialization for no legitimate reason. Even when I would hear my roomate's presence in the living area I would freeze in my room, hoping they wouldn't detect any signs of activity. I don't know why. Now that I think about it, it's sort of sociopathic. On the rare occasion that I would meet one of his friends, they would make a comment about how they didn't know Brad even had a roomate. Ha. In the future, when I look back on my college years, most of my memories will probably consist of me sitting alone in my bedroom. And I'm okay with that. I think.In a few days I'm driving back to Denton to move into my new apartment: a one-bedroom. Now I can sing out loud, play the piano as loud as I want, walk around in the nude, dance in the mirror, fart, recite lines from my favorite movies...all without the anxiety of a roomate seeing me._______________________________________To busy myself over the past few weeks, I wrote and directed two short films set to music. I would say they're music videos, but whenever I say that people assume that I just filmed somebody lip synching to a Britney Spears song. And as much fun as that sounds, it's not what my movies are. I tend to write movies that are subjective to one character's state of mind, and usually focus on a female protagonist. They also tend to be thematically dark, which my mother told me worries her. Haha. The first is called "Alone" and stars my sister...again. It's basically about a woman who experiences a break-up and tries to change who she is and suffers a complete emotional breakdown. But it goes backwards. The second is called "Hello Again" and it's about a woman who runs into an ex-flame and re-visits her entire life with him and understands again why their relationship failed. It stars Mary, Danté, and Brittany. Check them out on youtube:"Alone"http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HX3Nwea-k3k"
Hello Again"http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GvVR-KKizZoI've been away for a few weeks, so I've got a good handful of photos to post. Enjoy.My empty room
Mary purchased some blow up kayaks so we took a trip to Boerne Lake to use them! The electric pump wouldn't work, so we blew them up manually. (which almost killed me)
Mary made peanut butter and jelly sandwhiches that probably weighed more than me. 
Crack is whack
Shisha with Danté and friends
Moses flashes a nipple and winks.
Drinks at...Red Robin? Their Mai Tai will fuck you up!
Prom
At the Sea Island picnic at Ancira Park. Danté and I switched name tags and people called me by the wrong name the entire night. I thought it was funny. 
Lalala
Mary saves the environment by ditching her giant-ass truck for a Honda Fit. I'm not sure what she's doing in this photo.
The entire Sea Island gang at Mama Margies. I was the only one not wearing a Sea Island shirt. 
Eating Brittany's face at Chili's.
Laters for now!
