There Are Lies We Have To Tell

Ricky Fitts: It was one of those days when it's a minute away from snowing and there's this electricity in the air, you can almost hear it. And this bag was, like, dancing with me. Like a little kid begging me to play with it. For fifteen minutes. And that's the day I knew there was this entire life behind things, and... this incredibly benevolent force, that wanted me to know there was no reason to be afraid, ever. Video's a poor excuse, I know. But it helps me remember... and I need to remember... Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world I feel like I can't take it, like my heart's going to cave in.

-American Beauty

You know those little surveys you get forwarded through e-mail or myspace that ask random questions about yourself? I was filling one out this past week and one of the questions was "Are you afraid of your future?" -- my answer: "Terrified".
I haven't decided yet if it's healthy for me to outline exactly how my future will evolve, because I'm petrified of it turning out to be the exact opposite of what I'd hoped. There's just so much damned competition to be original, and it's hard for my mind not to succumb to the pressure. Trying to keep an open mind is a fucking bitch...

I see no point in revealing what my dreams are, I just hope I'm not a bored and unhappy person 10 years from now...

I recently had to make an account at Blockbuster because I needed to rent a movie for a film paper I wrote last week. Now the addiction has settled in, and I have found myself there three times already. I love it. A girl that works there is unbelievably beautiful, but I doubt I'd ever work up the gonads to start a conversation. I basically have no game whatsoever. I tend not to be the kind of person who goes out searching for a relationship. I feel I don't need one to define myself. I'll just be waiting here until the right person comes into my life.

My mom recently gave me advice on how I should meet girls. (This is when you know that you're pathetic in that department) She said I should find a church to be a member of, and hopefully meet girls that way. I paused, and then just said, "I'm not very religious."......."you're not?"........"no.". A quick change of subject soon followed. Anyways, I doubt attending a church to meet girls is the last thing God intended.

Woah, I totally just got off the subject of Blockbuster. I guess all I had to say about that was I finally rented Moonlight Mile. I had been wanting to see it for years, but never got around to it. It's one to check out mainly for the acting. I've also been renting Six Feet Under. I'm still convinced this is the best television show during my lifetime. Fuck Lost. (even though I'm a total Lost whore)


Don't you hate it when things are your fault? I managed to rack up the max amount of absences in my Political Science course (hey, it's a fucking 8am class) and if I miss one more before the semester is over, then my grade drops a whole letter! Of course, I had planned on leaving for San Antonio this Tuesday night with Laura and Kevin but my political science class was the next morning. After kicking myself and getting lectured from my mom over the phone, we booked a $100 flight home on Wednesday so I didn't miss class. (the $100 coming out of my pocket) So I e-mailed my professor and let her know my situation and how I was a moron for missing class, etc. Lucky for me, she e-mailed me back and wrote "You should be with your family...use this e-mail as an excused absence on Wednesday morning. Don't miss anymore classes, OK?!"

I'm the luckiest bastard alive.

Enjoy these pictures from this weekend:

Passing over a lake on my way to Plano. Don't you love my clean windows?


I get to ride in the backseat for 5 hours with this guy on Tuesday!


At Bahama Breeze on Friday with Laura and Kevin...why the hell did they close down so many of these restaurants?


Laura thinks she looks like a coke addict....or Vince Vaughan...same thing.


Guess who came to visit me!? Kristen and Darren! Good times...


At Hooters for lunch on Saturday...me gusta


Saying goodbye


If you watch any MTV at all, you've probably seen that show Room Raiders where some sluts go through other sluts rooms and pick one to date judging by what's inside...Well, they were at our apartment complex!! Weirdest shit ever! Kristen, Darren, and I pretended to be paparrazzi and snap a few photos of their vans with the film equipment inside. I told Kristen I'd run naked in front of their camera crew for $5, but she turned down my offer.


A storm is coming



That's all for now...I'll be sure to post a nice, long blog from my vacation. Happy Thanksgiving, and laters for now!

Realism vs. Formalism

Troy: "Welcome to the suck"

-Jarhead

Go see this movie:



Jarhead has definitely made it to my top 10 movie faves of the year. It really is everything I could have asked for and needed to take from a movie - this stemming from my recent withdrawal of seeing a truly fantastic film. It may catch a few by surprise in how the film isn't necessarily about war, but a story that takes place during a war. This is a story about ambiguity of self, about dislocation, about ambivalence to war and love, about sexual frustration. In fact, the minimalistic use of actual warfare becomes a strong theme for this story resulting in one of the more powerful moments in the film where the character Troy (Peter Sarsgaard) reaches his breaking point and explodes with such heartbreaking frustration.

Speaking of performances, Jake Gyllenhaal has finally given me a reason to respect him even more as an actor by completely submerging himself in the lead role of Swofford. He's a terrific subtle actor, in that he doesn't need a "freak out" or crying scene to establish himself as a decent actor. I remember sitting in my film class weeks ago and replaying a scene from Citizen Kane where one actress gives the most strikingly poignant performance from the entire movie and all she is doing is staring out a window. It just reminded me of how Jake portrays such a unapologetic and broken character so perfectly. Let's see some Oscar nods, please!

These are the kinds of movies I want to make. Ones that challenge the audience greatly.

So if you're planning on seeing Jarhead to see a "shoot 'em up" war movie, save your money. I'm sure the director would rather you go see Chicken Little.




(photos from ww.cinema.com)

Trust me when I tell you that the band M83 has some of the best music around right now! I was pretty bummed when I found out that they were on tour and had actually stopped in Denton while I was home for the weekend. Suck ass! They are a french duo and their music is mostly comparable to Sigur Ros and/or Postal Service...Kevin said once that Radiohead is a band that you just have to sit and listen to straight through to really get a full effect and M83 is no different. Check out these songs for maximum pleasure...mmmmm.


"Don't Save Us From the Flames"
"Until the Night is Over"
"In the Cold I'm Standing"
"I Guess I'm Floating"
"Run Into Flowers"

This weekend was pretty chill, although it isn't over until 12am tonight so I guess something really unexpected could happen and I'll end up with my foot in my mouth...not exactly sure what though.

Friday night I sushi-ed with Laura and Kevin at Blue Fish and then resaurant-hopped to eat some good dessert. PF Changs apparently has a 2 hour wait up here too so we ended up at California Pizza Kitchen. Alex had been saying he was gonna come up for the weekend and I guess I underestimated him this time because he actually came! If he wanted to drive 5 hours there and back just to stay one night, it's fine with me...not my gas money! We had good times though getting dinner last night and catching a late showing of Jarhead (for my second time) at the theater.

Here are some pics from the past week...they're pretty lame, but you better not complain or I'll cut a bitch.

Shortly after taking this pic from the staircase of my apartment complex, I attempted to unlock the door to the wrong apartment number. Don't exactly know how I did that, but needless to say I ran my white ass away!


I'm allowed at least one "emo" shot, right?


I told him to flick off the camera. It's a recurring element to my pictures I enjoy!


A dramatic reenactment of Laura choking on the seaweed from the sushi. Apparently she didn't know the universal signal for "I'm choking" so she just sat there. "It's not my fault I didn't know the universal sign. They should teach you that when you're born!"


It was windy...the end.


CPK for dessert at the mall!


Without the flash, my camera can only soak up whatever lighting is existing at that moment, so that's why most of the pics are sepia looking.


I took Alex on a brief walk around the UNT campus, and saw a fallen tree...so I took a picture....you would have too.


A&M thinks they have weird squirrels on campus, but none beat ours. We even have a famous albino squirrel that lurks around the Eagle Studen Services Building. I saw him one day but didn't have my camera...nuts. (no pun intended)


I have a shit load of studying to do, and this blog just sucked an hour out of my life so I should probably go...leave comments! I love readin them! Laters for now!

Strange and Beautiful

Sadie May Lenard - (November 24, 1990 - October 30, 2005)

Rest In Peace





I believe I experienced just about every emotion possible to one person today. It's actually quite difficult to even put forth the energy to post tonight, but I figure even though I'm extremely exhausted I should make something good out of the day.

We decided that it was best for Sadie to be put down to rest this afternoon. She had been fighting her battle with old age for a while now (surprising everyone) and just didn't have anything left in her. It seems like this past week she had been significantly worse, but she waited until Laura and I came home to try and die. I've felt prepared for her death for a good while now but it's always hard when the moment actually arrives. We got back from lunch today and she just looked ready, so we made the last minute decision to take her to the emergency vet for her to be put to sleep. She really was the sixth family member and, just like any other death, it was difficult to fathom the idea that she will be gone forever.

I'm going to miss how she groaned when you scratched her ear, the way she went ape-shit when she saw bologne in your hand, how she would bark from jealousy when people hugged in front of her. Fuck, I'll even miss the bitches farts and strange gag noises she made. Her body is being sent to a place called "Paws In Heaven" where they will cremate her and put her in an urn (sp?). Since she lived in Alabama for a year at the lake with my grandparents, we are having my Papa spread her ashes over the lake. She loooves the lake so she will be happy there I hope. I LOVE YOU SADIE!

It's practically impossible to come off such a sad topic and then start talking about my weekend of fun. Frankly I don't know how to do that, so I'm just gonna sum up by saying that I had a great time seeing my family/friends and I'll let the pictures narrate themselves.

Our front porch...and yes, that's my mom looking through the window.


Chillin' at Chili's w/ the gang for lunch


Decorating for the Halloween Party at the girls' house. Brittany totally looked like she was performing oral sex on the blow up witch legs.


Lucky thought he was hiding


My vote for best costume was definitely Mary.


Becca Brittany Mary Heather


That's actually my wig...don't ask why I own a Marilyn Monroe wig - I couldn't tell you.


Me and Brittany...probably the best pic of the night. (best sober pic)


I didn't need a base of white makeup...I have that naturally.


Brittany and Aaron #1


Brittany and Aaron #2


Brittany and Aaron #3


Second best costume...it's the motherfucking puffy taco! I think people tried to tackle him too.


Our lovely spiked punch bowl with dry ice...hell yes. Note to self: do not handle dry ice while intoxicated.


God, I love lesbians. I really thought she was a man at first.


More partying...Some people showed up as the Crazy 88s from Kill Bill. Awesome.


I pulled down the shower curtain, and Heather fell in the tub. I laughed...I think...I can't really remember.


This is fucked up for two reasons: #1- a gay guy in a priest outfit getting head from Marilyn Monroe...#2- they didn't even know each other.


Now, I'm not much of a partier/drinker...but once in a while you just gotta say "I need to get drunk and act a fool"...and I did. (ps: I dont' remember taking this pic at all)


We left our own party around 3am and slept at Mary's parents house. Apparently I fell asleep and somebody took some damn pictures....bitches.


This morning...we all looked pretty rough....except Mary...I'd tap that.


Um, that teddy bear was fucking enormous...I couldn't not make out with it.


We came back to survey the damage...dayamn.


Yes, that's vomit....disgusting.


I love this picture! On our way to lunch with the fam, we drove behind a truck being towed. It looked like it was headed straight for us though...maybe I'm the only one that thinks this shit is cool.


The flight home...it was long and boring.


That's all for tonight. I'm officially emotionally drained and I need a shower and sleep badly. Keep Sadie in your memories (those of you who have met her) and laters for now!